


Till Human Voices Wake Us And We Drown

by KandiSheek



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blood and Gore, Brutality, Choking, Dark Steve Rogers, Declarations Of Love, Delusions, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gaslighting, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, Graphic Description, Insanity, Kidnapping, M/M, Obsession, Obsessive Steve Rogers, Temporary Character Death, Twisted, Twisted love, delusional steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28148955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KandiSheek/pseuds/KandiSheek
Summary: All Tony had to do was love him.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 51
Kudos: 187
Collections: It will never get better, Stony's Sad Secret Santa 2020





	Till Human Voices Wake Us And We Drown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [resurrectedhippo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectedhippo/gifts).



> Title inspired by The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S Eliot:
> 
> We have lingered in the chambers of the sea  
> By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown  
> Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
> 
> Thank you so much to the lovely Oluka for the beta! This is the first truly dark fic I've ever written, but since I've always wanted to try my hand at it I'm glad that the Stony Sad Secret Santa gave me the opportunity to do just that!
> 
> Thank you, Resurrectedhippo, for your amazing assignment! I had loads of fun with it and I really hope you enjoy what I came up with, along with everyone else who might read this. PLEASE mind the tags, I cannot stress this enough. Now, thanks for reading and on to the fic!

“Do you like the pot-au-feu?”

Steve watched avidly as Tony raised his head to give him a small smile. “It's delicious. Thank you, Steve.”

“Anything for you.” Tony's smile widened as he lowered his eyes, stirring his soup. It took a while before Steve realized that Tony was slowly moving the meat and vegetables from one side to the other, not taking a bite. Steve frowned. “Aren't you hungry? I thought you'd be starving after yesterday.”

“I ate earlier.”

Steve watched him for a moment longer, but when Tony refused to look at him he sighed and put his spoon down. “JARVIS?”

“Mr Stark had dinner with Ms Romanoff and Ms Potts earlier today, Sir.”

Steve nodded, giving Tony a warm smile. “Why didn't you say so? Here.” He took Tony's bowl and dumped the rest of its contents into his own. “Do you mind if I keep eating? I'm still a little hungry.”

“Oh no, please. Go ahead.”

“Thank you.” Steve spooned some soup into his mouth, squishing the tender meat with his tongue before he swallowed it. “Tell me about your day.”

“Oh, you know.” Tony shrugged. “Same old, same old. I was working.”

“Any new projects coming up?”

“Nothing much. Just – stuff.”

“Okay?” Apparently Tony wasn't in the mood for smalltalk. Steve looked around the room. “Did you want something else? Dessert? Maybe a –“

“I'm good, Steve.” His voice had just a hint of an edge to it. Steve didn't like it.

“Is it the restaurant?” Steve asked, brow furrowing. “We can go to the Cinq instead, if you want. Or Le Gavroche.”

“The room is fine, Steve,” Tony sighed, shifting a little in his seat. “I'm just really tired. I think I'd like to turn in early.”

“Oh, okay,” Steve said in relief as he scraped the last of his soup out of his bowl before he put his spoon down and stood up, holding out his hand. “Let's go then.”

He pulled Tony to his feet, squeezing his hand gently as they walked out of the room. “We're done for today. Thank you, JARVIS.”

“My pleasure, Captain.”

The walls flickered around them, revealing the bare concrete underneath as Steve closed the door behind them. They walked down the corridor to their master hand in hand, their shoulders brushing on every other step. Steve let Tony enter the bedroom first so he could lock the door before he used his grip on Tony's hand to reel him in for a kiss, grabbing his neck to gently tilt it for a deeper angle. The feeling of his warm tongue brushing Steve's made his blood pump with desire.

“Let's get you out of these,” Steve mumbled against Tony's lips and Tony raised his arms, letting Steve pull his shirt over his head. His pants followed suit and Steve had to take a moment to just look at him, all of that tanned skin on display, just for him.

“Tell me you love me,” he said quietly and Tony moaned, closing his eyes as he tilted his head back.

“I love you.”

Steve hummed, taking the invitation to kiss Tony's neck. “Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

Steve tugged his own clothes off with much less care, tossing them onto his dresser. He laid Tony out on their bed like the treasure he was, pressing kisses to every inch he could reach as he slowly worked his way down his body.

“You're so beautiful,” Steve whispered, leaving a trail of kisses down the inside of Tony's thigh and feeling a surge of pride when Tony took a shuddering breath.

“Thank you,” he said shakily and when Steve looked up there were tears on his face, rolling freely down his cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Steve cooed, moving up to cradle Tony's face in his hands, gently wiping his cheeks with his thumbs. “What's wrong?”

Tony's laugh sounded almost painful, but he shook his head with a smile. “Nothing, I just –“ His lips twisted, a sob ripping from his throat as he wrapped an arm around Steve, the other going behind his head. “I want you to –“ He stopped, his face going a little pale, and Steve kissed him as softly as he could, trying to reassure him.

“You're doing so great for me, Tony. You're perfect.”

Tony's shoulders hitched but he seemed to relax a little as Steve stroked his sides, kissing his way down his chest. He tensed when Steve's hands slipped down to cup his ass and Steve hummed, nuzzling his hipbone.

“You said you're tired, right? You don't need to do a thing. Just let me take care of you.”

Tony nodded and Steve smiled, reaching for the lube on his bedside table – and hissed when a stabbing pain surged through his side, his back hunching under the pain.

“Steve? Are you –“

“Just – my ribs, it's fine.” Steve gave Tony a tight smile, grabbing the lube and straightening up to relieve the pain. “I'm okay, don't worry.”

“You should really get that checked out,” Tony said, not for the first time, and Steve smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you for worrying about me.”

Tony didn't answer, so Steve settled back between his thighs, pushing Tony's legs up against his chest for better access. Two fingers slid in easily and Tony took a slow, deep breath, his face scrunched up in concentration.

“Okay?” Steve asked and Tony nodded, his body relaxing around Steve's fingers. “That's wonderful, Tony. You're incredible.”

“Thank you,” Tony said quietly and Steve scissored his fingers, stretching him slowly until he could fit a third and then a fourth, fucking Tony open as carefully as possible. Tony kept making small noises, his back arching off the bed as if he was trying to fuck back onto Steve's hand, squirming with pleasure.

“Please,” Tony finally said, his voice edging on a sob, and Steve pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the sheets. He watched as Tony settled flat on his back, staring at the ceiling and breathing heavily.

“Ready?”

Tony nodded and so Steve lined up his cock and pushed in, eyes rolling shut at how tight Tony still was, how incredibly warm –

“Oh, Tony,” he sighed, leaning over him so he could rock his hips, slowly fucking deeper inside until he bottomed out, fitting them together. “Oh, you feel so good...”

Tony moaned and Steve grabbed his hips, lifting him up just enough to give him proper leverage as he started thrusting for real, his cock already throbbing for release with Tony so close, taking him in so sweetly.

Tony tensed underneath him, a split second before Steve could hear a telltale whine –

He reacted on instinct.

Tony yelped when Steve grabbed his wrist, aiming the repulsor at the wall where it blasted a huge hole in the concrete. He dug his thumb into the metal until the glass cover cracked, sparks flying around his fingers as he squeezed and squeezed and squeezed –

Tony screamed when Steve finally wrenched the crude gauntlet off his hand, smashing it against the wall as he caught Tony's fist before it could land on his face, holding it tight.

“What the fuck is this?” Steve barked, pushing Tony back against the bed when he tried to sit up. “You trying to kill me? You want to kill me, Tony?”

“Steve –“ He cut Tony off with a hand around his neck, squeezing until he choked, his free hand grappling at Steve's forearm.

“You said you loved me!” Steve yelled, feeling tears gather in his eyes. “Why would you do this, Tony? What have I ever done to you!”

“Ste-ghr...” Tony garbled before he suddenly gagged. “Y'r hurt'ng... m–“

Steve's eyes went wide before he abruptly let go. Tony coughed with a pained look on his face, clutching at his throat, and Steve's fingers trembled when he brought them up to Tony's cheeks, holding him as he gasped for air, his eyes huge and wet with tears.

“Oh no,” Steve whispered, his stomach wrenching with guilt when Tony brought his other hand up, his fingers almost blue, twisted at odd angles where Steve had held him down. “Oh no, Tony, I'm so sorry...”

Tony started sobbing and Steve could feel tears dripping from his own eyes, hot and heavy on his cheeks.

“Please forgive me,” he begged, pulling Tony close to cradle him against his chest. Tony was shaking so hard that Steve could hear his teeth chatter and it made his heart ache to know it was because – “Why would you do that, Tony? I love you so much, why would you –“

“Steve,” Tony sobbed quietly and Steve sucked in a breath, leaning back to look at Tony's hand that was still swelling rapidly. He tried to touch it, but Tony flinched away, his entire body tense.

Steve stumbled out of bed, watching as Tony curled in on himself, holding his hand against his chest. “Hold on, I'll... I have naproxen in the bathroom, just – hold on.”

He ran into the bathroom, slamming the cabinet open as he rummaged through the –

Wait.

Steve picked up the orange bottle in the back, something in his mind throwing up warning signs. It was Tony's captopril, the medication Steve had gotten for his heart condition.

It looked exactly the same. The label was right, the signature was right, but something about it... Steve opened the bottle, smelling its contents –

And froze.

He heard the plastic creak in his grip as his mind went absolutely blank. His hands were steady as he walked back into the room, looking at Tony's shivering form on the bed for a long moment before he spoke.

“Where are they?”

Tony whimpered, curling into an even tighter ball. Steve could feel his blood run cold, anger welling up like a gaping wound deep in his stomach.

“Look at me!” he snapped, marching over to turn Tony onto his back and grab his jaw. “Where did you put your meds? Tell me!”

Tony was still crying, like he didn't even care how it would make Steve feel, how much it hurt him to do this. Why would Tony make him do this?

“They're not in the bathroom. Where did you hide them?” Steve shouted and Tony flinched, closing his eyes. Not saying anything.

Steve scoffed, tossing Tony back on the bed before he walked over to Tony's dresser, ripping it open so hard that the door came off. He cursed, flinging it to the side so he could rummage through Tony's things, feeling around the sides for hidden latches... but there was nothing.

“Don't you dare fucking move,” Steve barked, slamming the door open to go into the living room and locking it behind him. He rifled through all the shelves, knocking decorations and pictures to the floor, ripping the couch and all of its pillows apart, stomping on the floorboards –

Which creaked. Steve stopped short, crouching down to pull the wooden board apart with his bare hands –

He paused. His hands were shaking when he reached inside, pulling out the flat envelope that held...

Tony's tablets. Three dollar bills. A piece of paper with a single phone number.

Steve stared at the contents, his chest aching with every breath. He felt like there was a fist squeezing his heart, tighter and tighter until his back bowed under the pain, tearing an anguished groan from his throat. He had to bring a hand to his mouth to stop the bile from coming up, looking over at the door he could hear rhythmic banging from, as if Tony was throwing himself against it, his sobbing loud enough that Steve could hear it over the ringing in his ears.

He stood up slowly, walking over to the door on weak legs and twisting the lock open. Tony immediately stopped, his breathing rabbit quick as he scrambled back from the door when Steve opened it and locked it behind him. Steve was staring at the floor, unable to bear looking at Tony when he knew...

He held up the envelope and Tony inhaled sharply, his heart pounding hard enough that Steve could hear it from across the room.

“I can forgive that you tried to kill me,” Steve said quietly, looking at the innocuous piece of brown paper that had just ruined his life. “I can forgive being spit on and cursed and – and _lied_ to.” He almost choked on his words, closing his eyes before he finally managed to raise his head and meet Tony's. “Tell me this isn't what it looks like. Please.”

He could see the war behind Tony's eyes before he seemed to come to a decision, glaring at Steve with something like anger but a lot more like hatred. “ _Fuck_ you, Steve," he spat. "I'm not gonna put up with this... this fucking _game_ any more. Just _stop!”_

Steve sucked in a breath, stepping back. “Tony, I love you –“

“This isn't love!” Tony screamed hysterically, holding up his broken hand with a deranged look in his eyes. “If you loved me you wouldn't _do_ this, don't you understand that?”

Steve's face twisted into a grimace, rage boiling up hot and sharp. “I apologized! If you would just –“

“Don't put this on me!” Tony's voice cracked, his face twisting into a pained grimace. “I never asked for this! You fucking psycho!”

Steve took a step forward and Tony scrambled back, holding his good arm up in defense. The gesture broke Steve's heart. “I give you everything!” he shouted pleadingly. “I love you! Why isn't that eno–“

“Shut up!” Tony screamed at the top of his lungs, fisting his hair so hard Steve could see strands ripping out. “You don't love me! You _locked me up_ , you told them I was _dead_ –“

“I didn't tell anyone that!” Steve shouted but Tony just laughed bitterly.

“Oh yeah, you just didn't tell anyone I wasn't. You fucking _saint_.”

“If you hadn't tried to –“ Steve couldn't say it. He swallowed heavily and Tony sneered.

“What? _Leave?_ What did you think I was gonna do? You locked me in a _prison!”_

Steve had to take several deep breaths to calm himself. “We have a good life here. You have everything you could possibly –“

“No! None of this is _real_ , Steve, why can't you see that? I want to see my _friends_.” Tony shouted hoarsely, more tears running down his cheeks. “You told them... fuck, Steve I can't do this, I can't even _look_ at you –“

“You had dinner with Pepper and Nat today, JARVIS said –“

“My _real_ friends! Not your fucking –“ Tony choked. “Your fucking holograms and fake Jarvis and concrete walls and –“ Tony sobbed, hiding his face in his hands as his breathing picked up speed. “I can't stay here, Steve, I'm going fucking _crazy_ –“

“You're supposed to stay with _me_ ,” Steve roared and Tony flinched back from him. His cheeks felt hot with tears when he raised his hands towards Tony. “I love you! We can make this work, Tony, I forgive you, okay? I forgive you! Please!”

For a long moment their heavy breathing was the only sound in the room. Then Tony looked up at him and Steve felt something in him curl up and die at the pain in his eyes.

“I was in love with you too, you know,” he whispered and Steve reeled back from his words like a physical blow, his knees suddenly weak.

“What changed?” Steve asked unsteadily and Tony took a shuddering breath, his eyes filled with such sadness that Steve almost couldn't bear to look at him.

“You.”

Steve sucked in a breath, his whole body shaking as his mind filled with static, Tony's words ringing in his ears –

_You've changed._

_This isn't you!_

_I'm leaving!_

_I don't love you I don't love you Idon'tloveyouIdontloveyouidontloveyou –_

Steve sobbed, putting a hand to his mouth to hold it in as his shoulders hunched, back bowing under the agony. His heart beat like a jackhammer in his chest, pounding against his ribcage until he felt that familiar pain right under his skin, punching the air out of him –

“Steve –“

“I won't stop you,” Steve whispered as he wiped a hand across his face, breathing through the pain. He straightened up, carefully not looking at Tony. “If you want to go, go now. You won't ever see me again.”

For a long moment nothing happened. Steve stood rooted to his spot as he allowed hope to seep into his heart, that maybe this had all been a joke and Tony would –

“Okay.”

Steve held perfectly still as Tony limped over to their closet, keeping a wary distance from Steve as he went. He struggled to put on his clothes but Steve didn't help him, staring at the floor as Tony gave up and simply pulled on a bathrobe and shoes. Steve tensed when Tony finally walked over to him, half-expecting a kiss, but Tony only grabbed the envelope, taking a quick step back before he examined the contents.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked quietly and Tony stopped, looking straight at him.

“Goodbye, Steve,” he whispered before he turned away, his face scrunching up as he walked through the door. Out of Steve's life.

It wasn't a joke. Tony was leaving him.

This wasn't the one.

He heard Tony yelp before he even realized he'd grabbed him and hauled him back, throwing him onto his back. Steve straddled him, pinning both of his wrists to the ground in a merciless grip, ignoring Tony's anguished scream when his broken fingers hit the floor.

His first punch broke bone, leaving a divot in Tony's jaw that immediately turned blue. The second caved in his skull, blood and brains splattering all over Steve's fist.

Steve was crying but he barely felt it over the rage, his fist moving on autopilot as he poured out all of his frustration, his anger and pain into this useless shell of what he used to call his lover until his mind was blessedly quiet.

He only stopped when he hit concrete, shaking loose bits of flesh and bone from his fist as he sat back on his heels, breathing heavily. Despite everything it hurt to see him like this, the proof of Steve's failures and missed opportunities. Steve took a shuddering breath, allowing himself one last moment of weakness as he brushed his hand through the mess he'd left on the floor.

“I'm sorry,” Steve whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the still intact skin of the body's shoulder. “I'm sorry it wasn't you.”

He stood up and went to his closet, dressing himself methodically. Then he went into the bathroom, reaching into the still open cabinet for the straight razor Tony got him for this thirtieth birthday. He flicked it open and rucked up his shirt, taking the hem into his mouth to free up his other hand and stretch out the skin right under his ribs.

The cut barely hurt at all. It was only when he dug his fingers in that he felt it, almost biting his tongue off at the sudden pain. He groaned through clenched teeth, digging around until his fingers touched metal.

It took a few painful tugs before he managed to pull it free and force his eyes open through the agony, a smile tugging on his lips when he saw the green glow under blood-stained glass.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on that familiar rush as he stood still and felt the earth move around him, his mind focussed on the date he knew like the back of his hand –

He barely stumbled when he arrived, his eyes opening on the same unused bunker he'd first found twelve years ago, the walls dusty and old. Steve took one last look at the stone before he reached down and pulled his wound taut, shoving it back inside before the flesh could close over. He couldn't suppress a pained grunt when the metal settled in place, digging in just under his ribs as a constant reminder.

Steve barely remembered how he got back to the tower, but when he walked through the door Tony was in the kitchen, his smile turning into wide-eyed shock when he looked up at Steve.

“Holy fuck! Steve, what happened to you?” Tony practically ran towards him, pulling up his blood soaked shirt – and frowned. “What the hell?”

“It's not mine,” Steve lied and Tony's face lost some of its tension before it twisted into a frown.

“What happened?”

Steve just looked at him, at his beautiful, unmarred face, and smiled. “You know. Saving kittens from trees, the usual.”

Tony snorted, shaking his head. “Okay, fine. Keep your secrets, old man.”

Steve watched as Tony walked back into the kitchen, gently touching the glowing stone under his skin.

He'd get it right this time.


End file.
